At a time of family gatherings, we miss loved ones who have died or who are distant. Sometimes we encounter hard feelings with family or friends as we gather throughout the winter months. But we can navigate the holidays, and our feelings, by seeking the common good for one another.

As a permanent deacon, I have the wonderful gift of experiencing Christmas as a family man and a cleric. One Christmas, our kids were sick and could not participate in the parish nativity play. So we staged our own pageant at home, and I do believe I excelled in the part of the donkey carrying the Blessed Virgin to Bethlehem. I have also cherished preaching Christmas homilies. To reflect with my parish community on the mystery of the Word becoming flesh and dwelling among us is, as the Gospel of John says, “grace upon grace” (John 1:16).

Sure, it may be cliche, but it’s important to “remember the reason for the season.” The phrase has validity when we allow the full season of Advent to prepare us for Christmas. A helpful tip is to read the daily Mass readings at bible.usccb.org to absorb the Advent Scriptures. Then we can contemplate and celebrate the three comings of Christ — in Bethlehem, in the sacraments and in glory.

It’s easy to be gift-driven and stressed during the holidays as well. Extended families and workplaces can use Secret Santa, so each person prepares one present instead of many for the group. It is nice to offer a token of appreciation, but keep in mind that most people on whom we shower gifts have the resources to buy what they want for themselves. When we buy fewer gifts for those who do not need them, we can afford to buy gifts for those without resources.

Sometimes we watched our children open present after present at Christmas and become dismayed when the last one was opened, as if the gifts (and my wallet) were endless. We tried to avoid feeding materialism in our children with a bottomless desire for gifts. Consider your time as a gift. My best memories are of making Christmas cookies with my mom. Families that are parent-centered and Christ-centered invite children to be part of something greater than themselves.

We must remember that not every gift needs to be a shiny new bicycle under the tree. A wounded heart is healed by charity. When you feel blue about missing a loved one or face the inevitable holiday stress, visit a nursing home or help at a holiday meal for those in need. Love heals. Love overcomes. Love wins.

The true and best gift of all is the gift of self. O. Henry’s short story “The Gift of the Magi” is a wonderful commentary on gift giving. A young married couple wants to make Christmas special. The wife makes the sacrifice of selling her beautiful hair to a wigmaker to buy a gold chain for the pocket watch her husband treasures as a family heirloom. The husband makes the sacrifice of selling his pocket watch to buy a set of exquisite combs for his wife’s beautiful hair. 

When the irony comes to light, the couple realizes that the best gift is not something we buy — it’s the gift of self.