Band, play practice, dance, youth group, clubs — not to mention the inevitable “hanging out” while us weary parents texted to remind them that the event ended 27 minutes ago and their younger siblings needed to get home and get to bed!

We were lamenting this over dinner a few days ago when she shared a conversation that really reframed this full time über-experience. She had been talking with another parent who had just dropped their youngest off at college — so they had just ended the busy season we were in. They commiserated with her about how difficult the high school years can be, but then shared something that hit us both hard.

“We prioritized the wrong things. Dropping my child off at college and driving home I realized — swim team, soccer — these activities didn’t deserve all the time we gave them.” Instead, they lamented that they had not placed more emphasis on their children’s spiritual growth in these formative years.

When Theresa relayed this conversation, it gave me chills. I had been a youth minister for 15 years, and I had spent much of that time telling teens how important it was to keep Christ in the center of their lives — no matter how busy things get. However, this was a lot easier to do when I was working for the Church and parenting young children who were thrilled to go anywhere with doughnuts. After our first year with a high school student, it was obvious that it was going to be much harder to keep Christ and our faith in focus.

Now, conversations quickly turn to our teens’ prospective careers, possible college choices, standardized tests and how to best set them up for success in the immediate future. Not to mention driver’s licenses and how in the world to keep our insurance rates less than our mortgage.

In the midst of this frenzy, rarely do I pause to consider what will matter the day I’m driving away from a college drop-off or moving them into their first independent living arrangement. These days, I can barely remember to pick up milk and be sure their school uniforms are clean for the morning. Still, it was sobering to pause and realize that there will be a day — in the immediate future — that these humans will be on their own.

When my husband and I aren’t there to remind them to eat their veggies, brush their teeth, wash their face, wear deodorant and change out of the T-shirt they slept in, they’ll figure it out (or maybe their roommates will drop hints). Soccer, dance and swimming will be distant memories. When we aren’t there to drive them around and remind them where to be, will they know to make room for what’s most important in their young adult life?

Personal prayer. Attending Mass. Keeping confession on the calendar. Budgeting time and resources for spiritual studies, retreats and conferences. Sharing what they have with those in need. Most importantly, the mind-set that our faith is not just another entry on the calendar. Hobbies and passion projects are great, but our faith is not an activity — it’s a relationship that’s constant and our sustenance in busy or difficult seasons.

It’s hard to imagine all the feelings that come with driving away from a child taking their first steps of independent living. However, as high school activities continue to escalate, the question of what will truly matter most in the future will guide our families’ decisions.