Maybe it’s just me, but it used to be that when I saw or read something that I felt strongly about, I would react instantly in word or print. The wittier the better, because not only was I definitely right, I wanted to be sure that I stood out as the most clever and creative in just how right I was.

Recently, my husband and I had an interesting experience. There is an ongoing debate playing out mostly on social media, as these things tend to do in these times, about whether a path should be built in our neighborhood. You may read that and think adding or not adding a mile or so of concrete is an inconsequential improvement project. But let me assure you that due to many factors that would take me pages to explain, the conversation has sparked on social media groups with countless posts, videos, a few satirical cartoons, yard signs and even a driveway rally. Many people feel very strongly about this issue. 

When the pro- and anti-path discussions began and yard signs popped up, we didn’t know much about the topic, and we had no opinion. We joined a Facebook group — the modern equivalent of a Town Hall, it seems — so we could learn more about the impact the project could have on our community.

It was a new experience for me to read what people had to share about a topic for which I felt truly open minded and undecided. My husband and I quickly noticed something. If a point was made in a way that was confrontational, sarcastic or unkind, even if the explanation made sense and we could recognize the logic, we felt opposed to the idea. 

I had always known at an intellectual level that when sharing the Gospel with others, our tone is important. However, the time I’ve spent reading my neighbors’ thoughts and feelings have opened my eyes to the reality that even a good idea is unappealing if it’s shared in the wrong way. And if you think people can’t find ways to attack each other personally about sidewalks, hundreds of Facebook comments have proven otherwise.

Election season provides many opportunities to assert our opinions about why we agree or disagree with the talking points of different candidates and, in some cases, even resort to insults and name-calling. The lesson I’m taking with me from watching “the path” discussion unfold is that anything said without charity — even if it’s about a topic as mundane as a few feet of concrete — can leave a listener unmoved at best and, at worst, opposed or uninterested in learning more.

Although clever, entertaining or even snarky comments and memes might get us a few “likes” or laughs, the charitable response to conflict is listening or asking someone to tell us more about why they feel the way they do. We can respond with truth to the concerns of the person in front of us and not add to the noise of whatever the arguments of the day happen to be.

In election seasons, things said about important issues end up as topics of conversation in person and online. When we enter these exchanges as Catholic Christians, we should always keep in mind the words of St. Paul: without love, we are “a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal” (1 Cor 13:1). We never know who is observing our statements and interactions, so we can push people away from the truth of the Gospels or bring them toward it in humility and charity.