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What if You’re Putting All the Effort Into a Friendship?

By Cynthia Kaan | Image by iStock/Getty Images/Plusnadia_bormotova | December 2021

What if You’re Putting All the Effort Into a Friendship?

It is a blessing to have friends beside us as we walk this earthly journey. But what do we do when it feels as if we are doing all the work in the friendship and our friend is just dialing it in? It helps to begin with a mindset that incorporates the following:

Acknowledgment.

Life is a series of seasons. You may have more to give during this season of life, but in six months you might be the one who has obligations that take time away from friends. Recognizing that you and your friend may simply be in different seasons is a good place to start.

Grace through prayer.

Ask God to bless your friend and your relationship. Pray for the grace to see what your role is in his or her life, and the grace to avoid the feeling of bitterness.

Acceptance.

Accept that you may be meant to love your friend from a distance for a while. In John 15:12, Jesus says, “This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.” Just as God continues to love us when we distance ourselves from him, continue to hold your friend close in prayer.

Trust.

Through the prophet Jeremiah, the Lord says: “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you.” (29:11) We do not see the entire tapestry of our lives as it is being woven by our Father. Trust that his plan for us is better than we could ever imagine and be confident that he cares about us and our relationships.

God knows the desires of our hearts — and he aches to provide them. If a fickle friend is causing heartache, God will provide direction, companionship and peace in his perfect timing.