Raising saints is busy work. We focus on raising good, honest, disciplined, rule-following kids but sometimes we get so involved in the “work” of parenting we can lose sight of how essential it is to honor, cherish and truly enjoy our children. If seeing your kids as an extension of Jesus and finding delight in who he created them to be is something you’d like to work on, this article is for you.
 

• KNOW THEM
  Make sure you know what they love, what makes them angry or worried and what they are passionate about. What are their favorite things, what do they dream of, wonder about and hope to do? Know where they struggle and succeed and what they need prayer for. A special treat snuck in a backpack on a test day or a favorite dinner to celebrate an achievement is a small gesture packed with great love they will notice.
   
• LOVE THEM
  Just the way God made them – flaws, struggles, gifts, habits and all! They’ve already been created; re-creating a new version of them isn’t our work. They aren’t you, they aren’t a sibling or a neighbor, so find all the spectacular reasons God gave you to love them as they are. Love them the way they need to be loved. Use notes, gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch and helpful deeds.
   
• LISTEN AND NOTICE
  If we listened twice as much as we talked, we’d learn so much! The trials of a 10-year-old aren’t as earth-shattering as running a company, but they don’t know that – they only know they need someone to listen and ask questions and help them find their way. Notice what they don’t say. A frazzled child isn’t going to say, “I need to process my rough day,” but they might ask, “Can you play with me?” Speak with respect. When they come home and throw their backpack, give them a minute. “Your flying backpack leads me to believe it might not have been your best day” will get you a lot further than a prompt scolding.
   
• THE BIG 3
  Show them grace, mercy and forgiveness in the same measure God shows them to you. Apologizing, asking forgiveness and forgiving quickly are powerful ways to show respect and love. God keeps forgiving us for that same list of sins we offer each time we go to confession, so offering that gift to our children is what Jesus invites us to do.
   
• THE SECRET SAUCE
  The magic is so simple: it’s time. Individual, uninterrupted spurts of time. There are at least three times a day we need to make an intentional effort to connect with each of our children: once in the morning, after school and before sleep. It might be a quick check-in or full conversations, but for those minutes they need to know we are focused on them and concerned for them.
   
• TIE IT TO GOD
  Recognizing his love and bringing him into the relationship is powerful. Saying things like, “I love how God made you such a great problem solver” and “I see you are having a tough time, how can I pray for you?” are great reminders that we are all loved and cherished by the Father who created us and that we’re never alone.