The café’s model is informal and open. It was started in 2019 by Paul Brustowicz, who had been grieving his son since 1992. There are some ground rules, such as not monopolizing the conversation or passing judgment, and keeping everyone else’s stories confidential. But for the most part, the group is just about sharing among people who understand, and it’s a support network during an extremely difficult time.

“Attendees are happy to have a place to share their grief experience and journey,” Brustowicz said. “As you might expect, attendance varies from month to month. Widowers and bereaved parents have all been in the group at one time or another.”

Word spread about Compassionate Café to other Catholic parishes in the area. Around 2021, St. Benedict Church in Mount Pleasant started a group called Comfort Café, and then Immaculate Conception Church in Goose Creek began a ministry early this year.

Sue Phillips heads the Compassionate Café at Immaculate Conception. She was inspired to start the group from her experience as a member of the Nursing Home and Home Visiting Ministry with the parish.

“I was seeing many people who were losing their loved ones and needing more TLC,” she explained. “I approached our Parish Council in September of 2023 and requested a new ministry for those grieving.”

It was the widow of Immaculate Conception’s late deacon who suggested the Compassionate Café model after she attended a meeting at St. John the Beloved.

“She went to our pastor, Father Noly Berjuega, and requested one for our parish,” Phillips said. “Father Noly Berjuega informed her that I was very interested in this ministry, so my prayer was answered.”

The grief ministry at Immaculate Conception, which officially kicked off in March, is now supported by a group of five parishioners, who also support the ministry at St. Francis Caracciolo Mission in Cane Bay. They meet on the second Wednesday of every month at 10 a.m. in the Community Center of Immaculate Conception. The two leaders, Phillips and Nancy McNerny, completed an online Bereavement Ministry Training program. Phillips said they had about 16 people attend the first Compassionate Café, however, she knows more people are interested in future café meetups.

The ministry also provides pamphlets on grieving to parishioners and sends sympathy cards and care notes to the bereaved on a regular basis. They provide flyers about the ministry to their local funeral home, and Phillips said they are working closely with the Prayer Shawl Ministry at the church so they can knit and crochet “prayer squares” for participants.

For Mary Murphy of St. Benedict, the Comfort Café resulted from a grief ministry that was formed with the help and expertise of Brustowicz. Murphy lost a son in 2011, and in 2019 she suffered the loss of a second son.

“I was already a part of the original grief ministry at St. Benedict’s, but when I visited Compassionate Café at St. John’s, I brought the idea back to our ministry and we officially started it in 2021,” she reported.

Since then, they started a Comfort Café at the senior living facilities of Somerby and Merrill Gardens. St. Benedict’s group meets twice a month, while Somerby and Merrill Gardens meet once a month.

“I open with a prayer and spiritual reading and cover the rules. I introduce myself and others and then the conversation starts. The café is sacred and confidential, so nothing is carried beyond the room,” Murphy explained.

Although Murphy stated that the senior living facilities will have up to four grievers at their Compassionate Cafés, she said the parish group will often have up to 12 people attend.

Murphy and the other members use the companioning model of grief support developed by Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., a leading educator on death,author and grief counselor. They completed their training through a program with the Archdiocese of Atlanta and now have 12 trained facilitators. They minister as companions on the grief journey, not as professional counselors.

This grief ministry includes a prayer group and behind-the-scenes volunteers who handle communications, publicity and outreach as well as the Comfort Cafés and Understanding Grief  support groups. The parish Prayer Shawl Ministry partners to supply lovingly knitted and crocheted shawls that are blessed.

“We don’t try to manage or fix people. We are companions and we listen,” Murphy said. “We give you a shoulder and a safe place to lay your burdens down for a time. We cry with them. We hug and give encouragement. We assure them they are normal and that we have been there and are OK. I hope we help them by sharing grief so that more than one person is carrying it. We give them hope. The blessing is twofold.”

“Compassionate Café is not about assessing, analyzing, fixing or resolving another’s grief,” Phillips agreed. “Instead, it’s about being totally present to the mourner. Yes, friendships are developed and nurtured through the café. It is also about knowing the correct things to say to someone who is grieving, like, ‘I can’t imagine what you are going through,’ ‘I’m so sorry for your loss,’ and ‘You, your family, and your loved ones are in my prayers.’ Death and grief are spiritual journeys of the heart and soul. If you loved, you grieve.”

The parishes also work together. Phillips said that Brustowicz provided so much support for Immaculate Conception’s efforts by providing time for meetings and helping to facilitate the first two cafés. He provided information about training, care notes and workbooks. Phillips said she had help from Murphy, who shared her experiences. Murphy said she thanks Brustowicz for being their “spark.”

“It is our hope that every parish will offer a Compassionate Café for our grieving members,” Phillips said. “This way if you need a listening ear in between cafés, you could visit another parish.”

Murphy concluded, “My prayer is that every parish in the diocese will one day have a strong grief ministry.”